Let me not even lie — marriage has humbled me in ways I never expected. I always knew it would be a beautiful journey, but I didn’t realize how much of me it would confront. See ehn, I’ve always been that woman who likes to handle her business herself. The “I’ve got it” babe. The one who can carry five bags at once, open her own jar, fix her own mood, and still meet deadlines like a boss. 💅🏾 But here’s my confession: I’m a hyper-independent woman.
And the funny part? I didn’t even realize how deep it was until I got married.
Growing up, I was surrounded by strong women. My grandma and my mom? Powerhouses. Both thriving and perfectly content. They didn’t wait for help; they were the help. They made strength look so natural, I thought needing anyone was a weakness.
So imagine me — moving from “I can do bad all by myself” to “two shall become one.” 😩
Let’s just say… the transition has been real.
Learning Interdependence in Marriage
Marriage has a way of exposing the parts of you that independence kept hidden. The part that doesn’t want to ask for help; The part that gets defensive when corrected and the part that struggles to receive love instead of just giving it. There are days when I catch myself slipping back — wanting to fix, control, and do everything alone. But the Holy Spirit keeps reminding me: this isn’t a competition, it’s a covenant. 💍 I got married to learn how to thrive together.
When I think about my grandma and mom, I am often so inspired and impressed by the things they have been able to do. My grandmother once went on a job interview and basically told the employer, “I came here for a job and I’m not leaving here without one.” And then I remember she went back to university at the age of 57 to get a degree in nursing and retired in her 70’s as the head of her department. My mom left a job with one of the top salons in New York City and started her own.
As you can see, I have a lineage of very strong and independent women. I respect their journey deeply, but I also know God is writing a different story with mine. Because truthfully? Strength is beautiful, but so is softness. And being “submissive” doesn’t mean being weak — it means being wise enough to trust God’s design for love and partnership.
Learning Interdependence in Nigeria
Living in Nigeria has also opened my eyes to how deeply interdependent this culture is. Nigerians truly thrive on community. From the way neighbours borrow sugar or share Sunday rice, to how families rally together during weddings, births, and even challenges — there’s this unspoken understanding that life is meant to be shared. You can’t do “solo life” here and survive long. In Canada, independence is celebrated; in Nigeria, connection is currency. It’s made me realize how much I’d been conditioned to do everything alone, even in moments when God was calling me to lean on others. Nigeria has been teaching me that there’s strength in togetherness — that sometimes, the blessing isn’t in doing it all yourself, but in allowing others to carry life with you.
So yeah, I’m still that strong, independent babe. But I’m learning balance — learning that letting someone love and lead you doesn’t make you less powerful; it actually makes you more whole. Marriage is teaching me that real strength isn’t just in standing alone — it’s in standing together. ❤️
💬 Your Turn:
Are you a “do-it-all”- hyper-independent woman learning to let someone in? Share your thoughts below — I’d love to hear your journey.
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